I’m grateful to Anne Watts for getting in touch to share a little about her inspiring lifestyle, built around caring for others, which she writes about in her blog (eg The Blue Dictionary and The Woman from Belgium) and books which you can find here: www.annewatts.co.uk . Ann’s way of living has elements of both Shared Lives and Homeshare. It seems extraordinary, but I wonder how many others live in this way or as Anne suggests below, would be willing to? Anne says of Shared Lives:
“Like all the best ideas, it is simple, straight forward and provides fertile ground for the little miracles of healing and kindness that carers see every day, and you certainly do in your work.
My back ground is in nursing (50 years of it – and going strong). Since returning home in 2000 I saw how there were great yawning gaps in the caring profession, not being adequately addressed, just tinkering around the edges over the ensuing years.
The inadequate warehousing of the vulnerable in society; those with mental health issues, the disabled and the elderly – were unacceptable and I wondered what I could do to help in an effective manner.
Beginning with an elderly relative who was frightened of going into hospital or a care home, I moved in and cared for her within the stable, secure and much loved home she had shared with her recently deceased husband. She flourished, became her old self, had a quality of life she began to enjoy again and died peacefully at home, with family around her, two years later.
Immediately I was inundated with requests from people to care for their parent etc. And have done this now for some 10 years.
I am paid in free board and lodging and minimal expenses. In return I live in, shop, clean, cook, drive, and re introduce people to life again. No more sitting alone all day, waiting for a carer to rush in at any given time to give very basic hygiene care.
With a live in carer who can see the life not being lived clearly, there are drives into the countryside, walks, picnics, visits to old haunts, nutritious food, whizzing down the aisles of the supermarket choosing long forgotten favourite foods to enjoy.
Watching someone come back to life is the greatest remuneration there is.
99 year old Eileen had shared many a holiday with her husband in Spain. Since his death (they were married 72 years!) her life had shrunk to sitting alone, waiting to die. Her family were afraid when I suggested taking her back to Spain for one last holiday-“what if she dies on the plane ” etc.”
So, I took her to Sainsbury’s, she chose olives, tapas, red wine and we had regular Spanish picnics in her garden. She always blossomed into the giggly young bride she had once been as she told me all about the times she and her beloved Frank had enjoyed in Spain.
I drove her down to Cornwall to attend her grand daughter’s wedding. She loved it and we stayed three days. She was still talking about the champagne a few days before she passed away 8 months later.
Living life right up to the moment you die – that’s what it’s all about.
Now I live in Oxfordshire, caring for an 80 year old gentleman for whom Parkinson’s Disease is tightening it’s grip. The worry and stress of fearing admissions into hospital have dropped from his face, and the certainty that he is now safe in his own home has given him a new lease on life.
So, I am living the Shared Life ethos in reverse I suppose. I do not have a home of my own, having lived my life helping others in so many ways, but now can offer my skills in this manner. I have been overwhelmed and shocked at the response and requests I field whenever it becomes known that I am ‘available’. The need is all around us – as you well know.
But they can be addressed, a step at a time.
I just wanted you to know I’m out here – and there will be many others who can do what I am doing. Keeping elderly folk out of hospital beds, and fretting about nursing home costs/standards of care and loss of independence.”